BEFORE it ended...
i was planning my blog.. here it is:
For the past 9 days, ive been crying everytime i think of him.
I love him..
All i do these days is just lying on the bed:SLEEP..
Everything is so bored without him...
I wait for his sms everyday..
Space out.. stare into blank..
Sometimes short sms..
Sometimes even no sms..
I always think..
Is he really a bad bf?
How come..
Things turn out to be like that..
Not like before
But i was wrong... He is a good bf..the best i've ever had..
Maybe.. im too annoying.. Always control him..Didnt give him freedom..
Maybe Im too childish..I always want him to "pei" me everyday..
If he doesnt pei me.. i will cry..
I dont wish to cry either.. but i cannot stop my tears from falling..
I tried to hold my tears several of times..
But it doesnt work..
It'll just fall backwards..
I always end up getting swallen eyes after my eyes rain...
Thinking back..
If i was him..i would be "fan" to dead earlier..
He is really mature..Ive learnt alot.. and ill try my best to be mature..
Although we dont chat alot recently..but our heart will always have each other..
我一直在想..
他真的是那么差的男友吗？
做么我们会分手？
原来，我错了。他真的是个好男友。
应该是我太管他，不给他自由，太小孩子。每天都要他陪，要他哄，不陪我，我就伤心。想起来，如果我是他，早就顶不顺了～
他，思想成熟。就算几天不见面，他认为心里有对方就能了。
就是因为我爱乱想，担心他会乱来。才不喜欢他玩太多Maple。
而且埋怨他～不陪我。
如果我早会想，事情就不会搞到酱～
我错了，不该给你自由，不该每天埋怨你
DURING the ending...
Bao bei..I feel very hurt right now..
You told me you are a bad guy..
But i believe that you are not..
The way you hugged me..
The way you kissed me..
The way you looked at me..
And..
The way you cared for me..
Remember when i was at your house：
One of the night i got fever,
you were very very worried..
I can see it in your eyes that you were really worried..
You kept telling me to drink lots of water..
You gave me panadol and even vitamins..
I knew dar is a very caring person..
Bao bei remember.. that last day..
When you told me to sleep first, and i cried?
I wasnt crying cause it was fun..
There was a reason..
It was because.. Time passed so fast..
And its the last night..
I wanted dar to pei me sleep..
Hug me for the last night..
Before i go back..
I never though..
Things would end up like that..
When we parted that day, as i walked out the door..
I felt like crying..
I missed you alot..
i really wanted to hug you..
But as days passed, i felt that dar is getting colder and colder to me..
I was so worried..
Thats why i keep ask dar if you love me..
You promised me. that you would only love me..
I was really happy.. and continued my life.
I still remember when dar was playing maple..
I bit dar de arm and stomach.
hehehe so funny.
I also tried to take photo of dar when you playing maple..
But you angry jor ..
So i only take photo of your hand hehehe.
I still kept it...
AFTER it ended..
Bao bei..
Its really hurting me..
I dont know what i had done wrong..
Maybe you have other gf..
But i understand..
People always play..
Haix..
Dar said he misses someone..
I thought it was me..
But it wasnt.
It was another girl..
I was wishing that dar was drunk..
So that it wasnt true..
But its not..
Everything was so real..
Tears keep raining from my eyes..
Non stop..
I started crying from 10pm until no..
Which is 5 pm..
I just want to say ..
Bao bei..
Thank you for letting me to experience such happiness with you..
Ive never been so happy in my life before..
I really love you..
Those 3 days in your house was the happiest days ive ever had.. out of my life.
I still have the pajamas i bought that day..
I wont ever wash it, because it has your smell on it..
I will keep the Lays box that we bought from Roswell near dar de apartment.
Remember when i went there, my nails were not fully painted?
Hehe .. ill keep it like that..because this will remind me.. of how happy i was..
I really donno what i had done wrong..
Maybe i couldnt give dar happiness..
Im sorry if i couldnt give you happiness..
I know i was very childish..
After being with you,ive learnt alot.. and really. really changed..
I still remember one night, dar was rushing for the power point presentation about spyware.
That night was fun too because i also help dar make it^^.
I miss helping my bao bei..
I remember i pei him until he sleep..
I always wait for his calls every night..
To listen to his voice.
Dar always like to say "WOI",very cute o..
All these memories will always stay inside my head..
Everywhere i go.. ill be carrying these sweet memores..
14th September.This is the day dar had left me..
I felt like dying..
My heart is aching..
My tears make my eye sight very blur..unclear..
I will always be waiting for you.
Remember the couple necklace,bracelets and keychain?
I will always be wearing them.
If its broken.. I will go to shops to fix them..
But i dont think it will break because i will keep good care of it.
Dar I still have the wallet as your present.
Ill keep it until the day you come back to me.
I even dye the same hair color as dar ^^
Brownish Gold.
Although they failed at the gold part..
But im gonna go back to dye more gold again.
Everynight when i sleep i would hold our couple necklace..
Hehe..
I havent slept since yesterday.
Havent eaten since yesterday..
All those not important..
Most important is dar happy.
I will wait..
Forever..
I will never find other bf.. or any other guy no matter how hot they are..
Because in my heart .. theres only one guy..
Which is you my bao bei johnson..
I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
I wait you.