I can do anything for bao bei de.
I help bao bei.
I want help bao bei.
Muack..

Waiting for another chance.

i will always love.
Still keeping my promise
I love you

^_^ happy to buy gift for dar...

Just waiting. For the day:when my wish comes true.



My mom just scolded me again.

Everyday.. Throwing her temper at me. Eventhough im very weak.ill.

Bao bei rem this ^_^.
i still keep it. never erased it off.



When i came back to malaysia, the first thing i did was check if my maid washed the pajamas that has dar de smell.
That time i couldnt find it and started to be angry, she folded it inside with my other pajamas, I was so angry so i scolded her.

But still have dar de smell. So i still happy.
I didnt really do anything much today.
Just doing same thing.
Waiting for dar to come back.
Praying to God.

O and i just remember something.
The night before i go to hospital, I saw a shining star up the sky.
It was really bright and pretty.
I wish dar can pei me kan xing xing (watch the stars with me)
When i first saw the shining star, I made a wish: Please make Johnson Bao Bei come back to me..
I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
I want you.
I wait you.

the 4 calls were accident..
Haix.
Its ok ba.
At least my phone has dar de miss call record.

I remembered on the way to KLIA airport, I saw sign boards heading to Nilai.
My heart was aching in the car.
My mom was next to me, so i turned to one side to pretend I was sleeping because i didnt want her to see me dripping tears.

I rem on the way to the hospital, I saw a shop name JOHNSON.
I think inside sold the treadmills.(running machines)
The word JOHNSON was so big and bold.
Reminded me of some sweet memories before i go into the~
Note: My own choices. Nothing to do with him.!

Waiting another day.

i love u..
I'm sorry for crying over you,
because I said I wouldn't.
But I didn't promise you that,
because I knew it would be a promise
I would never be able to keep.

Love is when you can't stop looking at him,
even if he'll never look back

im leaving now.I love u bao bei.ill come back to u.

Note:Do not blame my lao gong Johnson on anything.He is not a bad guy. Im the bad one.He has freedom to make his choices.I made mine:to wait for him.

Today is the first time that ive called my bao bei ,Johnson as i msned him.
It was very heart breaking to call him Johnson but i had to .
I dont want things to get worse.

In my heart your still my lao gong o.
1 more day.
1 more day till i have to go through something scary..
I know dar will be supporting me in my heart.

Somehow seeing you offline makes my heart hurts.
Seeing dar online also makes me hurt because we dont really chat much le.
I feel bit happy when dar de msn is away or busy.
Because then ill know dar is not here to chat with me.
If dar de status is online feels like dar don wan chat wif me.

As i said. DONT EVER BLAME MY DAR JOHNSON ON ANYTHING.
HE IS NOT BAD.
IM THE BAD ONE.


Waiting for my wish to come true:come back to me.
If I could be anyone at this moment,
I'd be her so you'd love me too.

dont ever underestimate my johnson bao bei.
Do not misunderstand.
All i wrote down there, is not saying that he is a bad person alright?
its just my feeling.
Its my fault im really stupid because im waiting.
Its not his fault.
So do not ever blame him or say any bad stuff about him!
Blame me if you want!
DONT EVER BLAME MY BAO BEI.

It is my own choice. My own decision to wait for him alright?
So please dont ever say he's a bad person.
He is doing the right thing.
Because he told me the truth.
Although he lied to me.He still told me the truth.
Im happy he told me the truth.
All i can do is wait for him alright?
SO PLEASE PEOPLE. DONT EVER BLAME HIM.ITS NOT HIS FAULT.
He has his own choice and decision to make and i have mine.
I choose to wait.
I love you bao bei Johnson~

Another painful day.
I woke up with a painful heart again.
What i hate nowadays is to wake up..
Because My heart would start to ache again.
The most happy times now is to sleep as i would dream of the sweet memories of me and my darling johnson had.
I wake up everyday, hoping it would just be a dream.
Wishing he will come back to me.
But its okay.
Waiting for someone has unlimited time.
We never know when he will come back.
Maybe in a few years time?
Maybe tomorrow.
Or maybe now.
Have faith.
I believe he will come back by my side.
To catch my tears.
To love me once again.
To give me another chance.
I love you bao bei johnson.
Im still waiting for you.

As time passes, more tears leak down from my eyes...
First of all, i want to thank my friends for supporting me and cheering me up..
Some told me to find other guys
Some told me to stop thinking about him
Some told me to start a new life
But sorry friends, i dont think i can do that.
Its really not easy.
Do you know how much i love you?Count the sand near the beach. I love you. That much. Or even more.

Love Quotes(you can skip this part if you want to):

Loving him is hard to regret,Losing him is hard to accept.But all the pain,the hurt ive felt,letting him go is the most painful yet.

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you I wouldn't miss you, but I did, I do and I will.

My heart longs for you, my soul dies for you,
my eyes cry for you, my empty arms reach out for you.

I had a dream and it was about you ...
I smiled and recalled the memories we had ...
then I noticed a tear fell from my eyes ... you know why?
Coz in my dream you kissed me and said goodbye ...

Money can't mend a broken heart;
that's Love's job.

Now that I have loved so purely and deeply,
I have realized how lonely I really am.

Don't ever give up if you still want to try,
Don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry.
Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know.
Don't ever say you don't love him if you can't let him go.

Don't say we're not right for each other,
the way I see it, we're not meant for anyone else.

I wish I was a kid again,
because skinned knees are easier
to fix than broken hearts.

Ask me how many times my heart has been broken
and I will tell you to look in the sky and count the stars.

when will it stop
the pain
that darkness
that part of me
why can't you fill it
why did u leave
why why why?
love hurts
but so does life

Why is it easy to fall in love and
yet so hard to be loved back?
why should I feel such if destiny
permits me not?
why do I have to fall if it's you I cant have?
why is there a "you" in "me"
but never a "me" in "you"?

Note:I will always be waiting for you to come back. Every year, every month , ever week, every day, every hour , every minute , every second.
I pray to God everyday.For you to come back to me.
I believe that dar will realize that the one whos really loving u is me..
I believe that dar will wake up one day and come back to me..I love you..
Although you see me as a friend now.. I will always see you as my darling bao bei..my lao gong..
You broke our promise of leaving me..But i still kept mine.. and i will still keep it..
Until the day i die.
Although i really want to suicide.. but i cant. If i suicide, means that im gone.. means that im leaving you.. means that im breaking the promise.
Remember our promise?:
-Love each other forever until we die.
-Never leave each other forever until we die.
-Dont ever love others.
-Dont ever lie.
Ill be waiting no matter how far apart we are..Ill wait for you behind your back..
Wait for you by your side.. Wait for you no matter what..No matter how hurt.. Or how broken my heart is.. All i can say now is .. Jonhson Lee Lao Gong.. I LOVE YOU. 我爱你


This relationship lasted for 36 days,it is not easy.There are too much sweet memories, lots of things we experienced together, go through together. I will never forget them..

Im always sticking to my bf,always need him to be with me all the time.
You, keep on playing maple.. I know its your life.. But.. haix. nvm
When im sick these days, you continue to play your maple...

You told me to become friends again,I denied it. Because i do not know how to face you, i cant be friends with someone i love..

I told myself that, one day, you will come back to me..

He is the first guy who made me so deeply in love with him..If he didnt exist.. I wouldnt be a mature person as ive learnt alot of things from him.
No matter what, ill always be loving you..

Stopped at 36 days- 10-08-2009 ~ 14-09-2009

这段感情维持了36天，真的不容易~甜蜜的回忆太多，一起经历的事也多，这些我不会忘记。

我是很黏男友的，需要他每天陪，每天在一起
你，就喜欢玩Maple，你认为不需要每天陪。可是你每次都在不对的时间玩Maple，我病，你可以若无其事，跟朋友打机打电脑。。

你说要做回朋友，我说不要！因为我真的不知道要怎样面对你，我完全不能接受跟一个我爱的人做朋友。

我跟自己说，肯定会在回一起的！要有信心！

他是第一个让我最爱他最伤心的男人，如果没有他出现，我一定还过着"childish"的生活～
无可否认，此事此刻，我还想跟你一起，还爱你~

♥♥停留在36天 - 10-08-2009 ~ 14-09-2009

BEFORE it ended...
i was planning my blog.. here it is:

For the past 9 days, ive been crying everytime i think of him.
I love him..
All i do these days is just lying on the bed:SLEEP..
Everything is so bored without him...
I wait for his sms everyday..
Space out.. stare into blank..
Sometimes short sms..
Sometimes even no sms..

I always think..
Is he really a bad bf?
How come..
Things turn out to be like that..
Not like before
But i was wrong... He is a good bf..the best i've ever had..

Maybe.. im too annoying.. Always control him..Didnt give him freedom..
Maybe Im too childish..I always want him to "pei" me everyday..
If he doesnt pei me.. i will cry..
I dont wish to cry either.. but i cannot stop my tears from falling..
I tried to hold my tears several of times..
But it doesnt work..
It'll just fall backwards..
I always end up getting swallen eyes after my eyes rain...
Thinking back..
If i was him..i would be "fan" to dead earlier..
He is really mature..Ive learnt alot.. and ill try my best to be mature..
Although we dont chat alot recently..but our heart will always have each other..

我一直在想..
他真的是那么差的男友吗？
做么我们会分手？
原来，我错了。他真的是个好男友。
应该是我太管他，不给他自由，太小孩子。每天都要他陪，要他哄，不陪我，我就伤心。想起来，如果我是他，早就顶不顺了～

他，思想成熟。就算几天不见面，他认为心里有对方就能了。
就是因为我爱乱想，担心他会乱来。才不喜欢他玩太多Maple。
而且埋怨他～不陪我。
如果我早会想，事情就不会搞到酱～
我错了，不该给你自由，不该每天埋怨你

DURING the ending...
Bao bei..I feel very hurt right now..
You told me you are a bad guy..
But i believe that you are not..
The way you hugged me..
The way you kissed me..
The way you looked at me..
And..
The way you cared for me..
Remember when i was at your house：
One of the night i got fever,
you were very very worried..
I can see it in your eyes that you were really worried..
You kept telling me to drink lots of water..
You gave me panadol and even vitamins..
I knew dar is a very caring person..
Bao bei remember.. that last day..
When you told me to sleep first, and i cried?
I wasnt crying cause it was fun..
There was a reason..
It was because.. Time passed so fast..
And its the last night..
I wanted dar to pei me sleep..
Hug me for the last night..
Before i go back..
I never though..
Things would end up like that..
When we parted that day, as i walked out the door..
I felt like crying..
I missed you alot..
i really wanted to hug you..
But as days passed, i felt that dar is getting colder and colder to me..
I was so worried..
Thats why i keep ask dar if you love me..
You promised me. that you would only love me..
I was really happy.. and continued my life.
I still remember when dar was playing maple..
I bit dar de arm and stomach.
hehehe so funny.
I also tried to take photo of dar when you playing maple..
But you angry jor ..
So i only take photo of your hand hehehe.
I still kept it...

AFTER it ended..
Bao bei..
Its really hurting me..
I dont know what i had done wrong..
Maybe you have other gf..
But i understand..
People always play..
Haix..
Dar said he misses someone..
I thought it was me..
But it wasnt.
It was another girl..
I was wishing that dar was drunk..
So that it wasnt true..
But its not..
Everything was so real..
Tears keep raining from my eyes..
Non stop..
I started crying from 10pm until no..
Which is 5 pm..

I just want to say ..
Bao bei..
Thank you for letting me to experience such happiness with you..
Ive never been so happy in my life before..
I really love you..
Those 3 days in your house was the happiest days ive ever had.. out of my life.
I still have the pajamas i bought that day..
I wont ever wash it, because it has your smell on it..
I will keep the Lays box that we bought from Roswell near dar de apartment.
Remember when i went there, my nails were not fully painted?
Hehe .. ill keep it like that..because this will remind me.. of how happy i was..
I really donno what i had done wrong..
Maybe i couldnt give dar happiness..
Im sorry if i couldnt give you happiness..
I know i was very childish..
After being with you,ive learnt alot.. and really. really changed..
I still remember one night, dar was rushing for the power point presentation about spyware.
That night was fun too because i also help dar make it^^.
I miss helping my bao bei..
I remember i pei him until he sleep..
I always wait for his calls every night..
To listen to his voice.
Dar always like to say "WOI",very cute o..

All these memories will always stay inside my head..
Everywhere i go.. ill be carrying these sweet memores..

14th September.This is the day dar had left me..
I felt like dying..
My heart is aching..
My tears make my eye sight very blur..unclear..
I will always be waiting for you.
Remember the couple necklace,bracelets and keychain?
I will always be wearing them.
If its broken.. I will go to shops to fix them..
But i dont think it will break because i will keep good care of it.
Dar I still have the wallet as your present.
Ill keep it until the day you come back to me.
I even dye the same hair color as dar ^^
Brownish Gold.
Although they failed at the gold part..
But im gonna go back to dye more gold again.
Everynight when i sleep i would hold our couple necklace..
Hehe..
I havent slept since yesterday.
Havent eaten since yesterday..
All those not important..
Most important is dar happy.
I will wait..
Forever..
I will never find other bf.. or any other guy no matter how hot they are..
Because in my heart .. theres only one guy..
Which is you my bao bei johnson..
I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
I wait you.